We've moved from Space Thing to Starship Troopers.

"A shelf of boobs can become a Space Thing. All it needs is pressure, and time."

That movie had neither Thing neither space. We've moved on to Starship troopers.

OMG.

Yakity Sax syncs up to fast-forwad sexploitation to a hilarious degree.

Fighting, sex, it doesn't matter.

This is the greates thing ever. We're watching the movie in fast forward while Lucas plays Yakkity Sax on his laptop. During a sex scene, you can't imagine anything more hilarious.

Craig: There's a logical reason for women's dresses falling off like that.
Ted: YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY FRIENDS HERE!

I've worked this movie out:
It's basically a regular porn movie, but edited for British airways, so all you end up with is a 30min close-up of a sweaty guy's face.

Me: Isn't the guy in gold the only one who's an alien?
Tim: Yeah, except for the secret oompa-loompa.

Me: This ship has a distinctive lack of red-shirts
Lucas: That's because nobody wears shirts.

*Two women are going at it, then one slaps the other and starts whipping her, cuts appear on her back*

Me: Now she's going to make the whipped one carry a big log through the ship..

*A moment later, the music is wikki-wikking and Lucas starts Beastie-boying along*

Me: Wher's the Space thing?
Ted: STOP ASKING. It won't come.

Tim: There's 30 space-minutes to go!

W've decidd to start saying "All over your face" after every line.

WHERE'S THE SPACE THING?!?

Craig: Humans aren't in space in the Gamera movies. Oh, wait, we're not watching Gamera.


Rhys: She learned from Flashdance, too! LEGWARMERS!

Dan: All this nudity give them +2 plus lasers.

Lucas: I wish this movie had more naked people.
Dan: All the props could be naked people. Instead of a naked woman lying on a bed, she could be lying on a naked woman.

Bridge officer: Hey, you better get out of here or I'll call captain mother!

Me: I'LL CALL MOMMY!!

Taqwa

Credits show up painted on body parts, some of which are on a bare-ass*

Me: Ass credits!

"Captain's log, a bunch of my ship fell off, and no one likes me."

"We don't have credits, so we wrote our titles on women."

Written by Cosmo Politan. Go Cosmo!

Taqwa

*weird lights and nosies*

Lucas: Who's up here and Who's playing my theramin?!

"This man's back is turning me... what's the opposite of gay?"


Dan:"God, I need an alien right now.'

Taqwa

Mmmm.. Post-coital sci-fi book reading.

It smells like the great taste of orange.

Taqwa

*Two people are starting to get it on*
Lucas: Where's the Space? Where's the Thing?.. Oh there it is..

So far, this seems to be a softcore porn movie where the guy never takes his underwear off and she licks his chest a lot..

Fiddling with a wig is considered foreplay.

Why title it Space Thing? Where's the Space? Where's the Thing? Oh, wait.

Diarrhea can strike at any time.

Space Thing is better than Gamera for two giant reasons.

This guy is reading Science Fiction with a naked woman next to him. He is the king of nerds.

Taqwa

Annnd we've moved onto Space Thing.

So far we've had full frontal nudity and a dude with a furry back reading Sci-Fi in bed..

Lucas: "So what's going on?"
Craig: "The aliens brought the monster and Gamera fights them:
Lucas: "So when a turtle man and a turtle woman love each other very much..."

Taqwa

*Partway through the 2nd Gamera movie*
Lucas: What the fuck is going ON in this movie?!
Me: Well, when a penis monster and a Gamera love each other very much..

Activate the Super Death Ray!
SuperDeath, not just regular death.

How do the kids know it's called Gamera? Why aren't they scared?

*submarine goes into the ocean*
Craig: This is the worst podracer ever.

"Come back right now, or no supper"
Lucas: Yes, threaten the child. He'll come back if he thinks he'll be punished as soon as he does.

"Are those Japanese scouts?"
"Kamikaze scouts?"

aS THe CAR ARRIVeS, IT IS SWARMED BY mASAI tribesmen.

"We found the creature who protects Earth. His name is...DESTROY ALL PLANETS!"

New Gamera movie! Go!

Wow. Rigellian sounds just like Engrish.

You know, the Slovaks have some underrated beers. This, however, is not one of them.

I never thought I'd say this, but Rhys? Stop licking Craig's head.

WE SUNG THE WHOLE SONG OF TAINTED LOVE...

THEN cRAIG AND i SANG tRIPOD'S Ballad of Floor Buffer Smurf.

Taqwa

Onto the 2nd Gamera movie..

Lucas: Do you have any milk in the fridge?
Me: *hands him a knife* is this it?

DID THAT KID JUST SAY gAMERA dALAI lAMA?

THIS IS NOT THE GREATEST TURTLE IN THE WOOORLD, THIS JUST A TURTLE!

Taqwa

Lucas and Dan: Are we not men? No, we are giant Turtles.. Whooooaoaaaaahhhhh!
*Rhys joins in*
*The whole thing degenerates into a 'Tribute' take off using turtles..*

Ted is apparently getting love and affection instead of blogging. Ted sucks.

I just made an Aqua Velva for Ted. Blame Zodiac.

Taqwa

Ted has stopped blogging. Lucas and I will need to blog twice as hard.

*Some guy is caught setting the army camp on fire*
Japanese woman: What are you doing?
Me (as the guy): The voices.. they told me to burn them.. BURN THEM ALL!!

Bad Gamera! No biscuit!

Crowd: "GAMERA!"
Lucas: "WHAT?!?!?!?"

"Hey, Gamera's here! I hope he noticed my sign!"

"Take that infrastructure!"

"A reversal of tides cause flooding."
Lucas: "The water came from Gamera!"

Taqwa

Japansese Police: You need to get out of here! Gamera is coming!
Taqwa (as club goer): No way man we're going to beat Gamera in a dance of skill!

*Gamera is destroying part of Tokyo*
Dan: The 26th angel hhas entered the city! All civilians are to evacuate to their designated shelters!

"I move for unanimous agreement"
Lucas: "You'll have to get it from one of the other generals."

Why is there a man with a fez in the United Nations?

FIRE!
Craig: HERE COMES FUN!
Dan: Who pointed the cannon at the ground?

Taqwa

American General: We are convinced that Gamera is constantly on the search for food..
Taqwa: He's a big turtle and he's looking for a BIG cereal.

*Gamera approaches*
Dan: We have imperial walkers on the south field!
Lucas: and some kid stole my mail! I don't know where he lives!

Lucas: "That turtle's too thick for blasters!"
Craig: "Use your harpoons and towcables."

Dan: "You're lucky the freezing bomb worked as well as it did - I didn't think It'd go with that broccoli!"

"I disagree with you, senator."
Lucas: You commie.

"Mr. Secretary?"
Lucas: "Shut up."

"That explains his fire-breath and resstaanc to explosions."
Lucas: And his refreshing mint flavour.

Giant turtles always walk single file to conceal their numbers.

All the shells are bouncing off Gamera. Then they'll throw the cannon and he'll duck.

Taqwa

Japanese scientist: We need to devise a way to freeze Gamera.
Lucas: Get me an Ice-breaker!


Japanese scientist: That way the planes will be able to attack from all sides
Taqwa: As opposed to those land-planes that can't attack from all sides..

Everyone is quoting Neon Genesis evangelion and I want to die.

Craig and I just had a simultaneous Zen KHAAAAAAN moment. Fucking awesome.

The 40,000 foot turtle just hid behind a rock.

That lighthouse was just 4 days from retirement.

Taqwa

*Gamera approaches a nuclear power plant*
Dan: The 13th angel has been sighted!
Rhys: I DON'T WANNA BE A PILOT ANYMORE!!

"If you get rid of that turtle, your father will buy you something."
Lucas: "Like a turtle. Ah, crap!"


"I'm a crappy second. It took me four swings to kill the last guy."

Geothermal power plant.
Geothermal power plant.
Geothermal power plant.
Geothermal power plant.
Geothermal power plant.
I win, Lucas.

We're missing half to the quips.

Lucas: "Drunken master 5: It's Getting Really Sad."

Daniel: Could this movie turn into the 7 Samurai? Oh, Samurai,Samurai, a giant turtle has destroyed my village! W have only rice to give you.

Dan: "Please tell me this turns into the Seven Samurai:

"Please, sir, please save our village from the giant turtle! We'll pay you in rice!""

Lucas has started with the "Meanwhile, in Movie B/C..." thing from the MST3K 'Pod People'.

It's surprisingly fitting. I don't want to break the news to him: As far as I remember, all the stupid little subplots to tie in together at some point. Unlike what happened in Pod People.

Lucas is now hiding some bread.

"On to Toronto, Alaska, Warsaw, then Vancouver."
Lucas: "He's drunk again!"

Taqwa

'Toysho, are you going to feed your turtle?'
'Father, could you come in here for a moment?'
Taqwa: Toysho, we're going to make soup out of your damned turtle!

Welcome to the Gamera Marathon 'transcript' thingy!

In attendance:

Craig
Dan
Ellen
Pete
Lucas
Charlotte
Rhys
and myself.

Once again blogging every witty quip made and every shot taken.

- Ted

Rhys: It's kind of ironic: a fire-breathing turtle.

Wait, what?

"He saw a giant turtle walking away!"
Lucas: "It's Molly Meldrum."

Gamera Marathon post 1

*Gamera is approaching a chip which tries to send out a SOS. They find all frequencies jammed*
Rhys: He's a frequency-jamming turtle!
Taqwa: Giant ATOMIC frequency-jamming turtle thankyouverymuch!

*"Eskimo" elder*
Craig: Enough of your technobabble Ghengis Khan!

Gamera!

Afer looking and searching we found Gamera, only to find the movie spelled his name Gammera.